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Why she doesn't want to try it and what YOU can do about it

Anal sex is a very intimate act for women. They are allowing someone to enter the "forbidden zone" of their body, which is a huge deal. That's why it requires a certain level of trust and a lot of communication. She is not going to agree to do it unless she is one hundred per cent sure that it will be all right, that you know what you are doing and that she is not going to feel pain.

If you want to get her to agree to it, you must start small, step by step, seducing both her mind and her body. Tease her to the extent that she can't take it anymore and she's the one begging you to do it.

Step 1. Stimulate her mind

You're probably wandering what goes on through that pretty head of hers while she's looking at you, indecisive and troubled.

However, there are a few things that you can do to break that cold "no" and that dead silence. You just have to be persistent, calm and methodical.

First of all, fix the breach in communication. Talk to her about anal eroticism, if it's a blurry thing for her or if she doesn't even heard of it beforehand. Explain your reasons for wanting it, share your deepest desires and fantasies and ask her to tell you what she thinks about it. You can start by discussing the subject in general, maybe mentioning that a couple of your friends are doing it and it turned out to be a successful venture for them.

Then, talk to her about her fears. After extensive interviews with women all over the country, I have come to the conclusion that, besides the pain factor, most women are simply worried about… the mess. The idea that the whole act could become a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for them. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell good that they can't accept the fact that you will consider them… dirty. Try and subtly bring that up, assuring her that there is no problem from your part and that you will never judge her negatively when it comes to this aspect.

After that, make her trust you. Tristan Taormino, in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, said that: "A sexual interaction like anal sex, in which one person gives their body to another, can raise deep issues of power and trust. The power dynamics are especially magnified because of the physical delicacy of the anus and rectum. Anal sex can be very charged, intense and emotional." By placing herself into such a vulnerable state, she needs to know that she can trust you one hundred per cent. Again, communication is key in order for her to feel safe enough to agree to try it. Tell her you will give her full access and command over your penis and the way she wants it inserted. This gives her the illusion of control, which calms her nerves a little bit.

Last but not least, be patient with her. "Regular sex will make your day, anal sex will make your whole week", a friend of mine used to say. I always tell couples this and advise them to be patient with one another. Anal sex should be a gradual process of exploration, especially from a mental perspective, because that's where the fear and the indecisiveness come from. It does not matter how long it lasts you to insert a mere inch, take all the time she needs. She'll appreciate the fact that you are not into this just to satisfy your needs, but you want her to feel as good as you. And patience is the best proof for this.

Step 2. Stimulate her body

The most common mistake that men do when they decide to try anal sex with their girlfriends is that they proceed without proper preparations. My secret? Extended foreplay! I have developed a three day routine that is meant to "desensitize" a woman's derriere and help her experience anal sex as she should: an act of pure pleasure. 

   

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